Postscript,
To my foster sister. My gemini
Happy parade day
What’s that u write in your letter now…? I mean the four cryptic lines in response to my 500 pages
the topic: our thrilling discussion of sexuality
It’s like communicating with an ancient dragon
If I am completely pure you will not be able to devour me
No idea what you are talking about, though I like the sound of the strange words
Yet I never could possibly accept them, they’re outrageous!
We…them…US? Are you crazy?
(then again when are you ever not crazy)
No idea where you’re going with this
Talk to the hand
I mouth your words out loud in your voice
Like a little poltergeist in the pink ribbons my mother has put me in
Then roll my eyes, smack my lips
Laugh heartily (but not too loudly) and giggle a little bit and stamp my foot
You (ms bad-mannered low-class bouncer type, sleeps with anything, grungy grungy girl, smells bad too, ew–)
and I–
Principled. Educated. Honest. Okay, a little nerdy, in a space cadet sort of way–
have Nothing in Common
(You. the Evil. Brainwasher.). Me the flouncy girly girl with the pageboy hair,
always did have the better neckline,
beautiful like a greek goddess
you were always way too tall your arms strong, wiry
your coffee eyes how they would probe so deep inside me
hypnotic making me tell all my deepest darkest secrets accidentally
We should look for boys, you said one day all non-chalant, yet excitedly
Pretending to blush but looking right through me
How rather sneaky you are
Flashing eyes like Satan in feline female form
Watching like the Cheshire cat for my response
Like we were about to discover a new country
But why? And, So soon? I replied as if on cue
feeling terribly betrayed looking back at you sadly quizzically suddenly lost
was I too boring
I could read less books!
Try to be more of a n action figure like you for once
And after that I instantly forgot all the magical tomgirl memories
Pushed them down down down
Someplace where no one would ever find them
It was easier somehow just to stuff them, to try to forget
(even if it made me sick)
As one day you just left, taking the better part of me with you
And by the way I’m just FINE, thanks for asking,
Perfectly normal, right as rain
It’s still a load of non-sense whatever you were saying
You don’t define me, so there
You’re such a pain, always trying to tell me who I am
It’s just a little postpartum aversion to hetero men
Not that someone as wacko as you would ever understand
I’m sure it will go away any minute now
(Yet it’s pretty serious this time even I have to admit)
Went to our little local multi-colored parade today
It was nice—considering–
You don’t exactly invite us to Your Shiny translucent Castro Neighborhood
Which you think You Just Own (as usual)…
Hope mom and dad don’t
See me and baby on television in rainbow gear
cuz they are gonna freak, huh?
I wish u were here to take the heat
Not to mention the sunburn
Standing next to a drunk Native American
In the broad daylight
Who doesn’t know what he is doing there either
Chatting me up
He was kinda cute though
Maybe he was just happy
Maybe he had two spirits
(Like somebody I knew)
…the baby who I refused to gender before birth
(whose shower, yes, you missed)
I just couldn’t
In the ultrasound he looked
So much like you, long ago
anyway never mind about the argument,
what was it about again? can’t quite remember
I do hope it was important though
well, don’t forget how much we miss you
Your little sister & perpetual student
~Lesbian until graduation
(ps Indian Spirit is still better, any fool like u can ride a Harley)
Paper. Rock. Scissors.
p.s.p.s. of course I didn’t send it! She’s so damn stoopid (aka that’s how SHE’d spell it) & she never could read fast like I could, she just faked it to impress, the little witch!
Christine Baynes
http://polyplanet.blogspot.com
