Bonobo Coaching – Sustainable Paths to Ecosexual Love

Bonobo Coaching – Sustainable Paths to Ecosexual Love

A Coaching Practice by Dr. SerenaGaia

Are you ready to embrace the Earth as your partner, as the partner you share with fellow humans an all other forms of life.

Ecosexual love is the style of love that reaches beyond genders, numbers, orientations, ages, races, origins, species, and even biological realms, to embrace all of life as a partner with equal rights.

This style of love is based on four principles and the alchemy of their related practices.

  • Know and love the ecosystem called thyself.
  • Know and love the temple of the other
  • Know and love the partner we all share: the Earth
  • Know and love those who share this partner with you: Humankind

These practices apply basic principles from Tao, Tantra, amorous inclusiveness (aka polyamory), and sexual fluidity (aka bisexuality).

When you train in these practices, you are ready to become an artivist of love. Artivists of love are beings capable of generating all the love they need and then some. They aspire to align their own health and happiness with each other, and with the health and happiness of all beings that form the ecosystems that impact them.

Artivists of love are beings of light who often manifest alchemies of ecosexual love that create balanced symbiotic connections all around.

If you envision yourself in this horizon, if you wish to practice love expansively, if you aspire to become an artivist of such expansive love, you can benefit from attending a series of weekly meetings that Dr. SerenaGaia offers online. One is known as The Resilience of Love.

Dr. SerenaGaia’s personal coaching sessions can support you in integrating your learning process with your experience and personality and in pursuing your aspirations further.

Her presential courses will resume when possible, and they include the Alchemy of Ecosexual love, and The Symbiosis of Ecosexual love.

If you are longing for transformations in your life that will empower you to navigate a given crisis and envision the symbiotic opportunities it brings to your life, you can start now.

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Here are some questions that you might have already considered:

Are you longing for expansive ways to practice love that also support your natural sense of honesty and integrity? Do you sometimes experience monogamy as a social norm that curbs your natural capacity to express yourself as a being capable of love? Do you experience a natural desire to share yourself widely as a resource of love? Would you like to experience a natural sense of fluidity, inclusiveness, and elation when others share themselves in these capacities as well? Have you thought of what exclusivity means to you, and in what kinds of contexts you would like to experience it?

If some of these questions resonate with you, you are not alone, and you came to the right place.

The desire to practice inclusive styles of love is pervasive today.  In the age of Gaia, humankind is becoming more aware of the symbiotic nature of existence as beings who share a planet and a world. Many people are now aware of planet Earth as a generous partner and hostess. We all share this partner we love, and so when we consider sharing our resources of love in generous and inclusive ways, we know that we also honor her.

Loving fluidly and inclusively is ecosexual! Exclusivity is wonderful as long as it is an agreed upon choice in romantic, amorous, collaborative, and/or sexual aspects of any relatedness. People’s belief in the social norm of monogamy is eroding, in the context of problematic experiences in conventional marriages.  Many of us make the intentional choice to love the person, not the gender, and to espouse feminine and masculine principles within ourselves. As more scientific evidence becomes available, it becomes apparent that monogamous and monosexual behavior in humans result from culture rather than nature. At this time of accelerated change and transformation, hearts and minds connect in the noosphere and cultural notions of evolution are revisited, as people search for more symbiotic ways to relate within and around ourselves. However, not many people know how to navigate the transition from exclusivity to fluidity and inclusiveness in balanced, sustainable, compassionate ways.

Bonobo Coaching opens paths to styles of fluid and inclusive love that are gradual, balanced, and sustainable for all those emotionally involved.  Your coach, Serena, has successfully transitioned to a rich personal life of amorous inclusiveness where relationships sustain each other in balanced and graceful ways.  She has studied inclusive styles of love like polyamory and bisexuality for over two decades.  She has practiced amorous inclusiveness at various levels for about three decades.  She is the founder of the School of Ecosexual Love.  She is a scholar in the arts of healing and loving, and a supporter of the Gaia Hypothesis. She is the author of several books on these interrelated subject, and has offered workshops and coaching sessions worldwide.  She can coach in English, Français, Italiano, and Español.  She is fluent and formally trained in these four languages.

Bonobos are one of the most amorous and peaceful species Gaia, our hostess planet, has ever seen.  They use grooming, cuddling, nurturing, pleasure, sexual fluidity, and amorous inclusiveness to resolve conflicts and to enhance social cohesion.  They are the primate species genetically closest to humans.  Bonobo Coaching is a style of coaching designed to sustain us humans in activating the virtues of our genetic kinship with Bonobos and put them to beneficial use.

When not freely chosen, exclusivity can be asphyxiating.  In the transition from exclusivity to expansive amorous inclusiveness, Serena has made all the mistakes.  However, she never allowed a mistake to kick her back into asphyxiation.  What matters about mistakes is the interpretation.  In offering coaching sessions, Serena promises to sustain you in interpreting each mistake as an opportunity to learn and move one step forward on the path to the expansive amorous inclusiveness and fluidity you heart and mind aspire to.

FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: What is coaching? How does it differ from therapy?

A: Coaching is a way to develop through a confidential dialog with a person whose wisdom and experience one trusts. This dialog intends to help one move beyond an emotional place where one feels stuck due to societal and conventional limitations, when these fall short in appreciating one’s multiple capacities and talents for love. Coaching is for people who are well. It does not intend to cure any condition. However, it does intend to sustain one in developing one’s unique talents for love.

Q: What can coaching do for me if I’m seeking to develop an inclusive style of love?

A: Inclusive love is a way of love that expands beyond the mono paradigms typical of Western cultures in the modern world: monosexuality and monogamy. Its basic premise is that love is an art whose conscious practice helps people develop their basic talents as amorous persons, and become more abundant resources of love for their communities and life as a whole.

Q: How can I get some coaching?

In general, Dr. SerenaGaia prefers to offer coaching sessions to people who have already followed and participated in one or more of her journeys, either in-presence, or online, or both. In fact, in these contexts it is easier to get to know each other in a preliminary way and to establish trust and contact. If you have already met Dr. SerenaGaia in one of these contexts, do not hesitate to contact her for one or several coaching sessions, either in-presence and online. Write to dr.serenagaia@gmail.com, or send a message on WhatsApp to +39 329 4779406. You are super welcome *. Thank you!

If you have not yet had the opportunity to attend an event led by Dr. SerenaGaia, you can request a preliminary interview with her by email or phone. In response to your request, a short preliminary assessment interview may be arranged. If Dr. SerenaGaia feels that her coaching can support you in your desire to move forward on the path of inclusive love, she will make a coaching appointment with you. Enjoy the adventure of transformation and bon courage!

Coaching can often produce results in one to four sessions. Coaching sessions can last from one to two hours each, organic time. The cost is $ 80 per hour per person. You are invited to pay your sessions in advance, by bank transfer or by Pay Pal.

For a payment on Pay Pal, use the address serena.anderlini@gmail.com. You can send what you need as a money to friends, and add a note to specify what it is for. Thanks!

If you prefer to make a bank transfer, you can use this international account:
Serena Anderlini – IBAN: DE97 7001 1110 6052 5144 00 – BIC / SWIFT DEKTDE7GXXX – Adddress: Handelsbank, Elsenheimer Str. 41, Munchen 80687 Germany.
Be that as it may, send a payment only AFTER your first coaching appointment has been scheduled. Thanks!

Appreciation: “Thank you so much for all your support and your brilliant consulting in Malpensa! It has been really helpful…” Ryan from Vienna

Q: What kinds of coaching sessions are available?

A: Coaching sessions are available in presence, when possible, and especially during and after presential courses. See also The Garden of Pleasures. They are also possible long distance, on zoom.

Coaching sessions can be individual or with two or more participants. Typically, participants are involved in some shared love practices. Each participant is evaluated individually before coaching can start. The hourly cost of a multiple session is established according to the needs of the group or dyad. It is usually less than separate individual sessions.

Q: Are seminars also offered?

A: Yes. Dr. SerenaGaia offers a series of seminars on Ecosexual Love, including The Resilience of Love, which is offered online, The Alchemy of Ecosexual Love, which is offered on an annual basis in Suncave Garden, nearby of Rome, Italy, in the summer, and The Symbiosis of Ecosexual Love, which is a new program in the process of being launched. Go to the Calendar tab and / or click on the links for details about events that are now scheduled.

Q: How can I bring a journey with Dr. SerenaGaia to my community?

A: Journeys are available on the basis of the request from already formed groups and communities. A minimum of 15 participants is required, plus a venue with comfortable and adequate activity space, and a local person in charge of the organization. One day, one weekend, or one-week journeys can be considered, according to the experiences and needs of the community in play. The cost of participation varies around $ 60 (€ 55) per day, to which costs must be added for the venue, meals and accommodation. It is always important that the person organizing contact Dr. SerenaGaia or one of the people in her team well in advance and with a well thought out event plan. Let’s wait to hear all the beautiful proposals that will arrive! Thanks!

Q: How can I reach Dr. SerenaGaia to book some of her services?

A: At the end of this blogpost you will find all contact by phone (WhatsApp) and by email. Make sure you clearly indicate Bonobo Coaching as the motivation for your message. Thanks! You can also connect on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram. Remember that Serena Anderlini’s Facebook profile has maxed out on friends. We invite you to like the Dr. SerenaGaia page. Welcome to our network! Thanks!

Works Consulted
  • Anapol, Deborah. Polyamory in the 21st Century. New York: Rowman & Littlefield, 2010.
  • Anderlini-D’Onofrio, Serena. Gaia and the New Politics of Love: Notes for a Poly Planet. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books, 2009.
  • Eros: A Journey of Multiple Loves. New York: Routledge, 2006.
  • Consiglio, Carlo. L’Amore con più partner. Rome: Pioda, 2009.
  • Fisher, Helen. Why We Love? The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. New York: Holt, 2004.
  • Fromm, Erich. The Art of Loving. New York: Harper Perennial, 2006 (first published in German in 1956).
  • Kingma, Daphne Rose. The Future of Love. New York: Main Street Books, 1999.
  • Coming Apart: Why Relationships End. New York: Conari Press, 2000.
  • Millenson, Jock, ed. Liberating Love: Readings from the German Meiga Communities. Aberystwyth: Cambrian, 2007.
  • Robins, Suzann. Exploring Intimacy: Cultivating Healthy Relationships. New York: Rowman & Littlefield, 2010,
  • Ryan, Christopher and Cacilda Jetha. Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality. New York: Harper, 2010.

Acknowledgment:
The name “Bonobo Coaching” came up in a conversation with multiple friends, and in particular Murray Schechter. His sense of humor always gives me joy. I am grateful.

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For more information and for scheduling, contact Dr. SerenaGaia asfo

dr.serenagaia@gmail.com, serena.anderlini@gmail.com, + 39 3294779406 (whatsapp), Serena Anderlini of Puerto Rico, on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Messenger, @serenagaia on Twitter. Thank you!

aka Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio, PhD
Erstwhile Professor of Humanities and Cinema at UPRM
Convenor of Practices of Ecosexuality: A Symposium
Author of Multiple Books
Contact: serena.anderlini@gmail.com, + 39 329 477 9406.
Academia.edu Profile
LinkedIn Profile
Fellow at the Humanities Institute, University of Connecticut, Storrs (2012-13)
Project: “Amorous Visions: Ecosexual Perspectives on Italian Cinema”

 

POLYAMORY: Married and Dating – May This Show Bring More Love to the Better Worlds We Desire

While living here in the Portland area, I’ve finally had a chance to watch the two full seasons of Polyamory: Married and Dating, the show that brings the spotlight on three polyamorous families and their beautiful, adventurous, explorative, and sometimes challenging lives.

It’s been a real pleasure to watch the show in the company of my housemates, who are also involved in the local sex-positive culture. We’ve had time to compare notes, discuss, and reflect on how the experiences of these models compare to the experiences of each of our lives. What kind of dynamics are likely to occur when one engages in styles of love that are beyond binaries, that are more expansive in the ways they engage with inclusiveness in our amorous lives?

Personally, I’ve enjoyed many aspects of this series, in both seasons. Including the settings in two areas of Southern California where I’ve lived very significant chapters of my life. Riverside, where I did my graduate studies in the 1980s at UCR, while i held the job of teaching basic Italian that one of the Season #1 protagonists also holds (coincidence?!) And San Diego, where in the 1990s I actively participated in the Bisexual Forum founded by two avatars of bisexuality, Fritz Klein and Regina Reinhardt. In my experience, San Diego is a city of community, cafe life, holistic health, and warm jacuzzis where people become soft, mellow and amorous as to almost seem to melt into one another.

I’m not at all surprised that it’s been home to the four people in the quad whose interlocking lives are at the center of the show’s narrative. I also like the sense of expanded tribe that emanates from this narrative, especially in Season # 2, where one can also observe characters evolve and even switch roles at times. It’s amazing how places, locations, and one’s experiences in them, are powerful in shaping the narratives of our lives. And in creating legacies, traditions, seeds that eventually evolve, have a life of their own, and expand. West Hollywood is the setting for the Season # 2 triad, and it’s also well rendered as an ecosystem that really holds the characters. I do realize that any reality show, when well done, is also, to some extent, fictionalized. And yet, I feel very strongly that there is authenticity in the narratives, settings, and characters. I feel that people have really put themselves on the line to be who they are, at least to the extent that that’s possible when one invites a Hollywood camera into one’s private life.

One aspect I’ve really appreciated in the show’s structure is the quick asides that interrupt the narrative sequence to help viewers pry into the inner life of each character. What is this person feeling at this moment? What desire, anxiety, motivation, concern is motivating their action? How is their mind, their heart responding to the reality they are experiencing at this time. These asides are quick enough that one returns easily to the narrative. And they are also poignant enough that they provide, with the insights into the characters, also a beautiful way to get a sense of the philosophical gist of polyamory, of what reflections, principles, and intellectual awareness characterize this lifestyle and the communities where it is practiced. The decision to use asides this way has a long tradition in literature, especially in the English language, where of course it was widely used by the Bard, another voice whose tones resonate strongly with sexual fluidity and amorous inclusiveness alike.

Another aspect I’ve appreciated is the integration of sensual, erotic, and sexual scenes into the overarching narrative. Yes. That’s the way life is, right? “Life” is not divided in “genres” (as in erotica vs fiction), as some entertainment production systems would have us believe. “Life,” real life I mean, is actually one integrated narrative. There our minds, our hearts, our yonis, our lingams, and all the different symbiotic parts that make up our beings speak their truth, and manifest the reality we co-create with others. So, yes, I do appreciate that in this show we are taken into the bedrooms, the jacuzzis, the retreats, the play parties where people who love each other experience amorous existence. And where, from this experience they evolve and transform as partners in their relational lives.

This was exactly one of my goals when told the story of a very significant period in my life, especially my San Diego years, in the 1990s. I wanted the intellectual, the emotional, and the erotic aspects of my experience at that time to be synergized into one narrative. it was a way to offer a story that made sense and was beautiful and empowering to those wishing to be brave enough to read and be inspired. This memoir, Eros, was a Lambda finalist in 2006, when fist published with the subtitle A Journey of Multiple Loves. A new edition is now in the works, in both English and Italian, with the new subtitle, The Wisdom of Love. There I’ve fast forwarded to 2020 to really celebrate more fully the experiences in my life that make it part of the communities where amorous inclusiveness and sexual fluidity are practiced. Yes, love is good for you when practiced as an art, and the more you practice the more you learn about it and can share with others.

And this can happen over the arch of one’s entire life! One thing I wish to see more of when Polyamory or other reality shows of this kind resume, is a wider diversity in the age of the story’s protagonists. What about sexy grandmothers? Perhaps that’s another taboo to break up?

Here I really want to congratulate the brave director and the whole very brave and generous cast for this gift to the world. A gift that empowers people to practice love more expansively and evolve as their ability to generate this energy and channel it also expands. I do wish for a world where these gifts are appreciated and where they do their job of opening up options for others. I feel happy and proud of my part in co-creating this world with my own small contributions. And I wish everyone in the show a beautiful future of many decades where the magic of love manifests in many forms to bring health, happiness, and abundance to their lives.

Thanks Michael McClure​, KamalaDevi McClure​, Reclaiming Walker O’Rourke​, Roxanne DePalma​, Rachel Rickards​, and many others. May your generosity to the better world we all want and imagine be rewarded. You are wonderful and i love you!

Saving the Bonobos May Very Well Save the Peaceful Animal Who Lives Within You

BonoboWayA Review of The Bonobo Way by Susan M. Block. Beverly Hills, CA: Gardner and Daughters, 2015.

It is a real pleasure to read Dr. Susan M. Block’s most recent book. It is a pleasure on all counts: the style is fun, humorous, at times satirical with a touch of the surreal. It is very warm, fuzzy, and down to Earth too, with its main points made very clear. The book’s philosophy is meaningful, persuasive, and especially significant at this time in the evolution of our species, when we are in desperate need of new paradigms to shift toward more inclusive, fluid, and sustainable practices of love. Thanks Dr. Suzy!

Susan M. Block’s research is very significant too. The book proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that Bonobos are the missing link in the natural chain that connects bisexuality, polyamory, and ecosexuality.  The bi love that reaches beyond genders and the poly love that reaches beyond numbers are just preludes to the ecosexual love that reaches beyond genders, numbers, orientations, ages, races, origins, species, and biological realms, to embrace all of life as a partner with significant and enduring rights. Which is exactly what Bonobos do, and what we humans could also do if only we were more willing to learn from our amorous cousins.

There is no history of interspecies murder among the members of this species. Isn’t that something? And all styles of recreational sex are practiced with the pleasurable result of effectively keeping the social peace. Bonobos are the cousin ape species that proves the power of a repressed aspect of human nature we would do well to embrace more fully: the one that loves love and is loved back with the gift of peace.

Bonobos, reasons Dr. Suzy, are also the non-human species whose culture proves that “nature” is replete with all forms of sexual and amorous expression well beyond what’s required for the continuation of individual genes. There is nothing more natural to Bonobos than practicing what has for way too long been considered “perverse” in humans, including such feats as erotic expression between males, between females, among multiple players, across generations, and with the added options of anal pleasure and of making out in full public view. How interesting for those who disapprove of these behaviors in humans as “unnatural.” More observation of “nature” reveals the ideological meaning of Darwinian concepts of evolution through competition. When Capitalism is dressed as “science” it can pass as a poor justifications for violence with a touch of Victorian prudishness.

Are we really the pinnacle of evolution and the species “made in god’s image”? Or are we just one of many ape species who would do well to leave that pedestal voluntarily before our hubris destroys the lover we all share: Gaia, or the third planet Earth?

We’ll leave the answer to your wisdom. Meanwhile, aping the apes may provide all the experiential knowledge one needs. And as you get to read this highly recommended book, you’ll be blessed with more lessons from the art of analytical observation as practiced by Dr. Suzy. Her research on Bonobos proves that the kind of amorous behaviors many of us believe to be the exclusive mark of human love are actually natural in a much wider sense. For instance, Bonobos practice their own style of French kissing, they make love face to face with abundant eye-to-eye gazing, they take care of each other when in need, while also enjoying abundant mutual grooming. Romantic, no? Perhaps, in defining our species as distinct from “nature” we have been a bit too hubristic too. How could we be the inventors of “true” love if our apish cousins do it too? And, if romance is just as natural as an orgy to Bonobos, could this wide range of erotic and amorous expression not be natural for us humans too? “No couple is an island,” claims Dr. Suzy. And of course it isn’t, as even old-pal Dante knew when he wrote: “love which will not absolve a beloved from loving (someone) in turn,” and then proceeded to explain that Paolo and Francesca kissed while turned on by the courtly love book they were reading. “Amor ch’a nullo amato amar perdona,” reads the original.  Perhaps love, as this ancient poet knew, is “the force that moves the sky and other stars.” It’s the ecology of life: the ecosexual energy that connects all live beings, as our team of authors claim in Ecosexuality. Bonobos seem to have a real sense of this: they build social networks of mutual support and sustainability via erotic and amorous behavior. They honor wisdom, age, and femininity, which is another way to allow nature to inspire the arts of love.

This brings me to the very significant political point of the book. “The evolution of peace through pleasure” invoked by Dr. Suzy will really happen if we all get to release our inner Bonobo. In a process of Deleuzian reminiscence, Susan M. Block suggests we can resuscitate the “animal” within. As announced by the visionary French theorist, “becoming-animal” is the transformative process that sets the tone of humility, and yin energy, and vulnerability that will make our species more capable of learning from our more “natural” cousins. Let’s ask the ecosexual primates whose life is more connected to Gaia’s metabolism, the lover we all share. What can we do about the problems that besiege our time, including endless wars, climate change, and the relentlessness of extractive industries? Releasing our inner Bonobo may be it. I hear your skepticism. “Evolving peace through pleasure? It’s just a pipe dream,” you may pout as you read this.

Well, here’s the good news. The Bonobo Way offers the scientific context to believe we can do it. It injects the humor that makes one want to act on this idea. And it provides the step-by-step guidance to actually engineer the transformation. How do we become “Bonobos”? The 12-step program designed by Dr. Suzy is very well engineered to evolve peace through pleasure on a personal and planetary scale. It leads Earthlings like us through the stages of observation, introspection, imitation and experimentation, creation of community, biophilia, and planetary awareness.

Saving the Bonobos might very well save the peaceful animal that lives within.  As a person who takes pride in living my life as an experiment in the ecosexual arts of love, I have enjoyed most of the practices described in the program and am eager to experiment with those that are new to me. My world has become a lot safer for that, healthier, happier, and one where I am at peace.  Like Ecosexuality as we do.  We’ve invited Dr. Suzy on our team for this upcoming book, and hope she accepts.

I can’t recommend Susan M. Block’s Bonobo book too much, and I wish a lot of joy to all those who follow Dr. Suzy’s wisdom.

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Dear Earthlings:

For all the above mentioned reasons, I, SerenaGaia have decided to name 2015 the Year of the Bonobo.  Please “like” the Facebook page for our upcoming Ecosexuality book.
Oh, and if you feel you need some personal coaching on how to become a Bonobo, please feel free to browse my Bonobo Coaching practice and connect with me.  I will pass my lessons along.
Thanks for your interest.  Stay tuned for more good news.

Namaste.

SerenaGaia

Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio, PhD

Author of Gaia, Eros, and many other books about love
Professor of Humanities, University of Puerto Rico, Mayaguez

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